Is Music Enough?
by Mattis A Forti
Summary: Everyone has ways to deal with their problems, will immersing himself in music help Ted? One-shot.


I can't hear anything but the music blaring into my ears, obnoxiously loud in order to immerse myself in a new world, a different world where my problems aren't present, where reality is not reality anymore. Where I don't have think anymore. Or at least that's the idea, so far its not working out so well. My vision becomes blurry as I feel tears swelling in my eyes. Sitting up against the pillar on the back porch, the breeze gently moving my sandy blond curls, eyes now clenched tightly, not ready to feel all the pain just quite yet. Despite my intentions to suppress the pain, I feel a single tear run down my cheek.

My mind goes back to this same destination about 5 years ago. The day of the funeral for my beloved Nana who died unexpectedly in an car accident. The funeral for the women who beat a wizarding cancer to be taken by a mere vehicle. I was in the exact same position I am today, leaning against the pillar on the back porch with earbuds in, listening to music way too loud. Like today, I was trying to separate myself from the world. That was when I felt a hand slip through my empty one, I looked beside me and saw a beautiful girl with long, silky straight hair looking up at me. My girl. There was no pity when I looked at her, just a soft understanding before placing her head on my shoulder. Without saying or doing anything marvelous, she helped and broke me at the same time. I put my arm around her waist, as tears began to silently flow down. The dam had broken. Wanting to show how thankful I was to my girlfriend of 6 months but known my whole life, I offered her an earbud. We stayed like for a few hours, but it felt like an eternity. That day, was one of the worst days of my life, but what Vic did for me, well I don't think that I could have gotten through that day without her.

Tears are running down my face as I remember that day. I keep on thinking, how I am supposed to get through the day without her. How am I supposed to get through any day without her here anymore? She was my saviour, the one that could get me through anything. My wife.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, for a half a second I almost believe that it's Victoire but just as quickly as it came, I knew that it couldn't be her. How could it be?

I turned around and looked at the face that knows everything about me. The face with old wire glasses, black hair with one silver streak and a lightning bolt that marked him as the saviour of the wizarding world. He opens up his arms, and I tug on the wire of my ear buds and hear them hit the patio with few quiet clacks. I press myself into his body, his arm circling my back and the other on my head which is pressed into his shoulder. I feel my back heaving with silent sobs, and Uncle Harry doesn't say anything just holds me like I'm twelve again and my owl got hurt.

When I pull away, and wipe my face.

"It hurts. It hurts _so_ much, why do people keep leaving me?! Now Vic's gone, and I don't know how anything's gonna be the same, why aren't I used this by now?" I whisper to him, knowing he's the only that would understand.

Harry grabs my face in between his hands and says "Ted, I know that it doesn't feel like it now, but one day that weight you feel right now, it's going to be a little less than it was before. And I know that Vic really helped you when your Nana passed away, but we are still here for you. Everyone will help you through this but, the little girl upstairs. Little Renee, she's going to help more than anyone. That baby girl is going to help fix you and you're going to help her when she asks about her mommy."

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to raise her alone?"

"Who said you're alone? Renee has all her uncles and aunts, she has her soon to be cousins, and she has four grandparents that will support both you and her."

At the last sentence I scoff, thinking like hell Uncle Bill would 'support' me.

"He's just angry right now, he's hurting because he lost his girl, and just needs someone to blame." Uncle Harry said quietly. We both sat still, staring out into the forest that I spent half my childhood in.

 _"What the bloody hell were you two doing?" Bill shouted at me when we came back from St. Mungos. Standing in his living room, I feel detached._

 _"We were flying, gonna go down to the lake and you know just hang out. Have one last adventure before the baby and careers and stuff take up all our time." I say with a monotone voice, staring aimlessly at a blank spot on the wall._

 _"Whose idea was it," Bill asked in his deadly low voice. I mumble something unintelligible at the ground._

 _"WHOSE?!" he roared._

 _That makes me snap out of it._

 _"IT WAS HERS, OKAY! SHE WANTED ON LAST SPECIAL DATE AND I WENT WITH IT!"_

 _"WHY THE BLOODY HELL WOULD YOU TWO DO SOMETHING AS DUMB AS FLYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITHOUT CHECKING THE GODDAMN WEATHER?!_

 _"We do, did, it all the bloody time. I didn't know something like this would happen. I'M SORRY!" My voice cracked at the last sentence._

 _"You're her husband, you're supposed to protect her, be the sane one! That's what I told you when you married MAYBE IF YOU USED YOUR HEAD MY DAUGHTER WOULD BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW!"_

 _"Are you saying I-it's my fault?" I whispered, feeling slapped in the face._

 _"Well if you took care of her like you PROMISED TO THEN SHE WOULD BE ALIVE AND YOUR DAUGHTER WOULD HAVE A MOTHER... So yes IT'S YOU'RE GODDAMN FAULT, and you better damn well remember that!"_

 _"Maybe I wouldn't have had to protect your daughter from being so reckless if you actually let her lived while growing up." I say viciously, knowing about this constant argument that happened between the two of them. Bill's eyes change from burning fire to throwing fiery arrows._

 _Before Bill could say anything, Renee begins to cry. Fleur, who I hadn't even realized walked in, grabbed Bill by the arm and led him upstairs to the crying._

 _I stumble backwards, and sink to the couch. Looking to my right I see Harry and Ginny in front of the fire place and judging by the look on their faces they had witnessed at least the end of the fight._

Ever since that day, Bill and I haven't spoken. Even during the funeral we just avoided each other. I rub my hands across my face and think on how last week, I was on top of the world and today my whole world is falling apart.

Harry passes me my headphones, pats my back and left me here alone with my thoughts knowing that I just needed my music and iPod right now. It's how I solved most problems. As I put them,

Near midnight, I'm sitting on my bed at Harry's place, fingering my iPod that I've had for

years. Living most of my life in the muggle world, I'm pretty accustomed to their devices. While I'm contemplating this, I hear the soft cry of a one month year old baby. I set my music down and head into the nursery. I smile as I see Lily walking towards the door as well.

"Don't worry, I got this." I tell her quietly. She smiles slightly and leaves back to her room.

As I step near the crib, I see my beautiful little girl with Victoire's blond hair but my curls. I pick her up and set us both into the rocking chair in the corner. Once we're settled, I start quietly singing to her. Hoping that maybe it'll calm her down like it does me.

Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today

You get a little bit older

A little bit taller

A little bit better

A little bit…

I'm trying to learn what is true

I'm trying to be what you want and I need

But we all have a little more homework

We all have a little more homework

We all have a little more homework to do

As I finish of the verse, I know that I needed more time, to be the right father for my daughter, I needed more time to finish my homework but suddenly I'm writing the exam. I want to make everything perfect for Renee, but with Victoire gone, I'll have to settle for just being there when she needs to get more homework done, To be there every step of the way, reminding her that the day turns.

As she falls back to sleep, I just sit there holding her and say "I'm sorry. I know that growing up without Mummy will be tough, and I'm so sorry that I let it happen."

"Well don't be dumb and start apologizing for things out of your control." I hear a gruff voice say.

I look up, and in the doorway is Bill, he clears his voice, I nod accepting his apology and go back to rocking my daughter. As I look her, I can't help but think, "If I fall and crash and burn, at least we both know that I tried, Victoire."

The End.

AN: Hey, I know this is really cheesy, I wrote/published it a while ago, but I decided to try to edit some things. I know that it is still not that amazing, but I would love any feedback :) Also, the song "A Little More Homework" is from 13 the Musical, and the last one (did you catch it?) is Crash and Burn by the Lifehouse


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